2010 NBA Draft: The Morning After.

Uggghhh… I need coffee, I can’t feel my left arm, there’s marker all over my right arm, one of my eyelids feels heavier than the other, and I don’t remember a thing. It MUST have been an awesome night. The good picks, the bad picks, the awesome trades, the “scratch-your-head” trades (Babbitt and Ryan Gomes for…. Martell Webster? Huh?). It’s starting to come back to me… so let’s review:

Last Night/She Said/Oh Baby I Feel So Down/And I Don’t Know Why: Losers of the 2010 NBA Draft:

Last night, after the first round, the losers stood as such: Golden State, the Clippers,

Is he crazy? Or is he crazy SMART? Time will tell. (Photo courtesy of Getty Images)

Portland (for the first time in recent memory) and Memphis. New York THREW themselves into the Loser category by taking a guy no one else was going to (Andy Rautins, who actually kinda fits into D’Antonio’s crazy system) and a guy no one else had ever heard of. Ever. (Seriously, can someone put out an APB for a Landry Fields? He’s got a couple camps in New York to go to before he heads to the D-League.)

Golden State made only one draft choice, and to my delight, they spent it on Ekpe Udoh. Udoh is by no means a terrible prospect, but Golden State already drafted this guy. Twice. (Anthony Randolph and Brendan Wright.) Not that I WANTED them to take Greg Monroe… but I’ll wait for the winners section to explain that.

The Clippers? Actually, after the second round and the trade news, not as bad as I thought. Picking up Eric Bledose (my favorite PG prospect of the draft, because he might be the only one that ISN’T a combo guard) in a trade with Oklahoma City (who switched places so much, you’d think they were Bruce Chen), then picking up Willie Warren in the second round wasn’t a bad way to go. They still fail, though. Because of Al-Farouq Aminu. He’s exactly what they needed: a swingman who can (emphasis on CAN) shoot, defend, and rebound. But he only does ANY of these things when he wants to. If he had some excuse, like narcolepsy, I could see maybe drafting him. But when he’s just a lazy S.O.B. who just wants to get paid? Uh-uh. He even wore the Kid Cudi glasses to the biggest day of his life. Nope. Don’t believe in you, Al.

The Portland Trail Blazers aren’t used to being in the Loser’s column, but when you fire your GM an HOUR before the draft, he tends to be a little pissed. And so, last night, I think we got the first ever Eff-You (copyright: Bill Simmons) DRAFT. Poaching Babbitt from Minnesota wasn’t a terrible move, but drafting two combo guards when the combo guard you drafted two years ago (Jerryd Bayless) still can’t get any playing

"Fire Me? Fire ME? I BUILT THIS BUSINESS!!" (Photo Courtesy of the Portland Tribune)

time because he’s stuck behind your best starter and your best bench player (Brandon Roy and Rudy Fernandez, respectively) and you have another guard prospect (Patrick Mills) ready to return to the U.S.? And you needed another big man for when Greg Oden goes down? Yup… that’s how you screw your boss on your way out.

Memphis, Memphis, Memphis. Replacing Rudy Gay with Xavier (pronounced Zaa-Vee-Yay, according to the illustrious Stuart Scott) Henry? (We’re jogging towards it….) Trading a draft pick to a team MUCH smarter than you for straight cash? (We’re sprinting full speed for it…) Drafting a 6-6 guard who’s described as “the only guard in the NBA who loses a footrace to Bill Simmons”? (Yup, we just ran off the cliff of sensibility. Thank you, Chris Wallace.) Oh, and this warrants mentioning again: Greivis Vasquez? One UGLY-looking dude.

This WAS supposed to be a picture of Greivis Vasquez's face, but I don't hate you guys that much.

The Story That’s Just Begun/The Promise of What’s to Come/I’ma Remain a Soldier/Until The War is Won: Winners of the 2010 NBA Draft:

And last night, after the first round, my winners were the Pistons (a little bit of hometown bias, no lie), New Jersey, Oklahoma City, San Antonio, and Houston. After a bit of deliberation with the Council of One, it was determined that Oklahoma City was no longer a “winner” because no one could keep track of all the crap they did. So we are appointing Indiana to replace them after Indy made two good picks (Paul George in the first, who should provide offense off the bench as well as a potential replacement for Danny Granger, and Lance Stephenson, who’s main problem is being able to score while taking stupid shots. Not a bad problem to have) and traded their WTF pick to… Oklahoma City!

Detroit had the second no-brainer pick of the draft at #7. (No-brainer #1 being John

Cue Me doing Laps around my basement. (Photo Courtesy of Getty Images)

Wall.) Greg Monroe, a big man described as the best passer in the draft (not the best-passing big man, the best passer PERIOD.) who can play on the perimeter AND with his back to the basket, has a high basketball IQ, can rebound, and ISN’T a headcase? Yes please. I literally ran laps around my basement with happiness when they made this pick. I tweeted it last night, and I still stand by this: This is Joe D’s best draft pick. Not Tay. Not Stuckey. This guy right here.

New Jersey got the most athletic big man in the draft (Derrick Favors) to pair with their already-rock-steady big man Brook Lopez. Favors reminds me of Amare’, the way he gets to the rim without regard for human life and finishes when he gets there. I’d say that’s a good pick. But New Jersey also managed to snag Damion James out of Texas, a classic ‘tweener because of his height (6’8) and his perimeter game. He’ll give them energy off the bench and potentially replace the departed Chris Douglass-Roberts. With these two assets (Favors, in particular, is EXCELLENT trade bait) the Nets also set themselves up nicely for the upcoming free-agent period.

San Antonio, magically, like they always seem to, found an NBA-ready player in the

HOW does San Antonio always seem to get NBA-ready guys? (Photo Courtesy of ESPN)

latter half of the first round in James Anderson. An NBA-ready scorer who has good height for his position (a 6’6 shooting guard), Anderson can shoot, get to the line, and even rebound a little. How these guys always seem to fall to the Spurs I’ll never understand, but I’ll always appreciate how they never miss these guys. San Antonio also got a workout warrior with potential (Ryan Richards) in the second, but their main steal is Anderson.

Houston only had one pick in this draft, but they made it count by taking Patrick Patterson, aka “Younger, Better Carl Landry, whom we traded not six months ago”. Houston GM Daryl Morey just perpetuates the idea that he’s one of the smartest GM’s in the league with picks like this. Patterson is taller than Landry, has a bit more range, and passes better, but is less of a banger. Patterson will be given every opportunity to reach his full potential in Houston’s “Everybody is an option” offense.

So there you have it, the Winners and Losers of the 2010 NBA Draft. Got a gripe? Think I missed something? Didn’t insult the Timberwolves enough for your taste? Tell me about it the comments below! Oh and you get a bonus prize if you identify which songs both the lead-ins come from. Until the next time we meet, C’est La Vie.

Lazarus Jackson is a writer and connoisseur of pro and college sports, especially Detroit-area pro teams. You can contact him at lazchancemsu@gmail.com or on Twitter at twitter.com/lazchance.

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